Maid in heaven(or India!)

I read an article in the paper today by an expat who had written about the way we (Indians) treat our maids , servants and other domestic help in our daily lives. I could not agree more with the article as this has often been the point of discussion with my kids too.

The Ten Golden Rules of Indians-With Regard to Maids and Miscellaneous House-Help

Rule no.1: It is taboo to exchange greetings or pleasantries with them.

Rule no.2:

Clause a) If they don't turn up for a day, screaming at them the moment they are in sight the following day is in order.

Clause b) It is imperative that they are never given a chance to explain the reason for their absence.

Rule no.3:

Clause a) Bonus payment is only authorised in situations wherein some extra favour is required from them .eg. they have to wash more utensils when guests are around, they have to do couple of extra chores,etc.

Clause b) Money offered for a good cause is strictly forbidden.

Clause c) That money is required, instead, to be spent on shopping and cheap sales.

Rule no.4:

Clause a) Never introduce them to the guests or relatives.

Clause b) Treating them as though they don't exist is recommended.

Clause c) Panic at their absence when guests are around should not be revealed at any cost.

Rule no.5:

Clause a) Encouragement of kids and other members who are younger in age to the maid to address them by their first name is recommended.

Clause b) Take the liberty to talk to them in the rudest manner possible.

Rule no.6: Any eatable or beverage provided to them should never be freshly made or undiluted. They are forbidden from having the coffee or tea of the same quality as we do.

Rule no.7: Any children of theirs, if present, are banned from sitting on our chairs or sofa touching any of our children's toys.

Rule no.8:

Clause a) Clothes may only be given to them if they are in the most deplorable condition possible.

Clause b) While gifting them dresses or materials for Diwali, only ones available on a 1+1 free offer may be given.

Rule no.9: Despite the fact that maids are hired to wash the bathrooms and toilets, they are strictly forbidden from using them, for it will be considered a sin.

Rule no.10: Never ever make it obvious to them that you can't survive without them. Always behave as though you can chuck her/him out any time you want (and secretly pray that they don't leave you in the lurch!)

Since I am a rebel and an expert at flouting rules, I do not employ a maid.

PS: I have not been shunned from society so far.

Paa

I watched the movie "Paa" with the kids last weekend. Amitabh is excellent as a kid affected with progeria (premature ageing). Dialogues and the support cast are great too. Listening to Bhavatharini singing the remixed version of "Sangathil Padatha Kavithai" (one of my Illayaraja favs) in Hindi was nice.

But what irks me about films of stars like Amitabh or Kamalhaasan is that , even after years of showcasing their talent and having bagged the best awards , these actors are only concentrating on their histrionics when they can actually contribute to the film industry by making much more meaningful cinema. Instead of focusing on the disease and its effects on the family, in this case , progeria, the film focuses on Amitabh's ability to do justice to the role. After years of experience, nobody expects him to actually make a mess of such a role. But being his own production , why couldn't he have dealt with the subject in a more serious way? Why is the focus only on making more money for his production house? When Aamir Khan, through Taare Zameen Par, was successful in bringing out the plight of dyslexic children so well, pushing himself to the background, why aren't stars like Amitabh and Kamalhaasan doing the same ? Why , even after years of making money, are they not involved in serious issues of the society; utilizing their fan following to make something more thought-provoking?

Annual day

The children had their annual school day. All these years I have never been a volunteer parent to help out children with their make-up , costumes etc. But this year, since my daughter had to change her costume in between the scenes in her play, I was requested to come and help out- and what a day it turned out to be! It was amusing to see the boys trying to hold up their dhotis and adjusting their fakes moustaches all at the same time. There was a King sitting in one corner and munching his wafers. Another king and his courtier were walking hand in hand around the campus. The puny dancers were weighed down by their heavy salangais and were literally holding each other for support. The parents were helping out each other with pins, slides and make up kits. The teachers and parents were chatting around in a totally different atmosphere than the usual formal one. I was actually thinking of the exciting school day functions of my times and I remembered that I used to be conscious of the lipstick applied. Just then, interrupting my thoughts, a small boy turned around and asked me "Aunty, is my lipstick still on? Because just now, I drank water"". I had a hearty laugh before reassuring him that everything was fine.
After the exciting and tiring day, I have decided to volunteer regularly from now on, not wanting to miss the fun and excitement the children have on that day, especially the real drama that goes on backstage.

Celebrate Bandra

In addition to local journals and newspapers , now-a-days local cultural festivals too, are becoming a regular feature in India. I have read about the Mylapore fest centered in and around Kapaleeswarar temple, bringing out the culture and tradition of Mylaporites. I have yet to attend that festival, but being a Bandraite, I have been enjoying "Celebrate Bandra" , a biennial fest organised by Bandraites. This year, it has attracted good sponsors and what I find interesting is the location and the wide variety of programs one gets to attend. The venue, close to our residence, is Reclamation Promenade. A stage is set close to the seaside promenade and in the evenings, now with the added glitter of the sealink, the setting is really ideal for one to sit back and enjoy good music or a dance program, free of cost.

It's nice that a predominantly Anglo-Indian community is exposed to Carnatic and Hindustani music along with rock and pop music. It was pleasant to hear Thygaraja krithis and Papanasam Sivan songs in a dance recital. Programs involving common people, like the Antakshari and Karaoke singing too, are part of the agenda. The maximum crowd is for the dance competition involving local groups.

I feel such localised cultural fests are a good way to get to know all types of art and music forms for people, who cannot afford to pay exorbitant rates that the sabhas charge, to attend such programs. Attending such programs with neighbours and friends is like a get together at a common place in our area and that makes it all the more interesting. So hats off to "Celebrate Bandra" fest and all other such local fests!

Dealing with death

Dealing with death is always a mental game. In Indian films and serials scenes of death are laden with emotion, especially with women wailing away to glory. As a kid, I used to feel that in real life, I too would wail and grieve like that myself. I never saw death at close quarters until I was about 24. But now, I am facing too many within a short span of time.

I have lost 3 people who were to dear to me in quick succession. First, my father. Then my brother. And now, my uncle- all within 3 short years. I wondered how my reaction would be on seeing someone close to me die. For all my speculation, my reaction to such loss has been surprisingly dignified. Having always had the feeling that I would mourn a death rather loudly, I dealt with it quite well.

Some of my close relatives, most importantly my mother (who lost her husband and son in quick succession) have shown such great restraint in expressing their grief, that people tell them that it isn't good for their health. Knowing my mother well, I feel that it's her way to deal with her grief. She just ignores it and carries on with daily life as if nothing has happened. In fact,she doesn't even entertain any discussions about it and simply walks out of the room or ignores any talk about her deceased son or husband. Some people have even suggested some psychiatric help for her, but I feel rather proud that my mother can deal with life and death the same way-so coolly.

It takes a lot of mental courage and grit to treat every situation equally and in fact, I have never seen her very ecstatic or enthusiastic about any happy occasion either. I feel she has this "Mahaan" kind of attitude even without being too spiritual or religious. She doesn't read self-analysis books or go to discourses. She doesn't have any spiritual guru. But still she has this great composure, treating every situation and both positive and negative criticism alike. I just hope that I inherit her qualities some day.

Loo-natic problems

A few months back, S. Ramakrishnan , in his article in Ananda Vikatan , had written about how school girls in villages suffer due to lack of proper sanitary facilities. Especially during their monthly cycles, these girls not only travel a long distances, but also endure the long days at school without using the toilet, since majority of the schools in villages either do not have one or even if they do, they seem to lack proper water supply.

Come to think of it, the plight of women in cities and towns is no better. How many of us, as parents, check if schools have proper toilet facilities? We are keen about the quality of the education, fees, donations and extra curricular activities in the school, but we don't even bother to check if it has decent sanitary facilities. Even some of the best known schools fall short in this aspect. Our children naturally fall into the habit of not drinking enough water for fear of using the loo in the school, which leads to multiple problems later on in life. As parents, we must insist on having a look at the school and its facilities at the time of admission. However, it is easier said than done in a country like ours. We are so pressed to get an admission in the first place, that sanitary facilities are not even on our list of priorities. But what bothers me is that we try to ignore the complaints of the children and ask them to adjust. In parent- teachers' meetings issues like exam scores, tests and tuitions are discussed exhaustively, but never the lack of toilet facilities. We feel that it's taboo to talk about this subject.

I wonder why parents don't come together to insist on good sanitation or why NGOs and government don't get involved in such a serious issue. There are so many unanswered questions and I feel troubled whenever I think of the plight of the school-going children in this regard. I feel that this is one area in which the country has made absolutely no progress, since the problem exists from the days of our grandparents.

Paattu paada vaa

I like to watch music based programs on tv and I am often floored by the talent that we get to see on some of the music talent shows. Especially some of the kids on these shows have amazing skills and I wonder whether they really enjoy any true childhood moments at all as they seem to be practicing for years to take part in these shows.
One such program is ""Paattu paada Vaa"on Vijay TV and I really enjoy it because it is more about the lyrics and not the musical talent. It actually makes us go down the memory lane to recollect the lyrics of our favourite songs. It also throws light on the poor quality of lyrics of the latest songs (""Excuse me, Mr. Kandaswamy" takes the cake among the latest ones.............there is nothing more to the lyrics except two words -"podi" and "poda") when compared to the old melodies. We are able to appreciate Kannadasan or Kalayanasundaram for bringing out the right mood with the right words in comparison to the muck we're put through these days.
Anuradha Sriram as the hostess does a great job. With mildly sarcastic comments and a sympathetic attitude towards the participants when they lose the game, she makes an entertaining host. All in all, a nice show with a different theme and quite enjoyable with surprise packages like actress Abhirami (who sang like a pro) and lyricist Paa. Vijay as participants.