Celebrate Bandra

In addition to local journals and newspapers , now-a-days local cultural festivals too, are becoming a regular feature in India. I have read about the Mylapore fest centered in and around Kapaleeswarar temple, bringing out the culture and tradition of Mylaporites. I have yet to attend that festival, but being a Bandraite, I have been enjoying "Celebrate Bandra" , a biennial fest organised by Bandraites. This year, it has attracted good sponsors and what I find interesting is the location and the wide variety of programs one gets to attend. The venue, close to our residence, is Reclamation Promenade. A stage is set close to the seaside promenade and in the evenings, now with the added glitter of the sealink, the setting is really ideal for one to sit back and enjoy good music or a dance program, free of cost.

It's nice that a predominantly Anglo-Indian community is exposed to Carnatic and Hindustani music along with rock and pop music. It was pleasant to hear Thygaraja krithis and Papanasam Sivan songs in a dance recital. Programs involving common people, like the Antakshari and Karaoke singing too, are part of the agenda. The maximum crowd is for the dance competition involving local groups.

I feel such localised cultural fests are a good way to get to know all types of art and music forms for people, who cannot afford to pay exorbitant rates that the sabhas charge, to attend such programs. Attending such programs with neighbours and friends is like a get together at a common place in our area and that makes it all the more interesting. So hats off to "Celebrate Bandra" fest and all other such local fests!

Dealing with death

Dealing with death is always a mental game. In Indian films and serials scenes of death are laden with emotion, especially with women wailing away to glory. As a kid, I used to feel that in real life, I too would wail and grieve like that myself. I never saw death at close quarters until I was about 24. But now, I am facing too many within a short span of time.

I have lost 3 people who were to dear to me in quick succession. First, my father. Then my brother. And now, my uncle- all within 3 short years. I wondered how my reaction would be on seeing someone close to me die. For all my speculation, my reaction to such loss has been surprisingly dignified. Having always had the feeling that I would mourn a death rather loudly, I dealt with it quite well.

Some of my close relatives, most importantly my mother (who lost her husband and son in quick succession) have shown such great restraint in expressing their grief, that people tell them that it isn't good for their health. Knowing my mother well, I feel that it's her way to deal with her grief. She just ignores it and carries on with daily life as if nothing has happened. In fact,she doesn't even entertain any discussions about it and simply walks out of the room or ignores any talk about her deceased son or husband. Some people have even suggested some psychiatric help for her, but I feel rather proud that my mother can deal with life and death the same way-so coolly.

It takes a lot of mental courage and grit to treat every situation equally and in fact, I have never seen her very ecstatic or enthusiastic about any happy occasion either. I feel she has this "Mahaan" kind of attitude even without being too spiritual or religious. She doesn't read self-analysis books or go to discourses. She doesn't have any spiritual guru. But still she has this great composure, treating every situation and both positive and negative criticism alike. I just hope that I inherit her qualities some day.

Loo-natic problems

A few months back, S. Ramakrishnan , in his article in Ananda Vikatan , had written about how school girls in villages suffer due to lack of proper sanitary facilities. Especially during their monthly cycles, these girls not only travel a long distances, but also endure the long days at school without using the toilet, since majority of the schools in villages either do not have one or even if they do, they seem to lack proper water supply.

Come to think of it, the plight of women in cities and towns is no better. How many of us, as parents, check if schools have proper toilet facilities? We are keen about the quality of the education, fees, donations and extra curricular activities in the school, but we don't even bother to check if it has decent sanitary facilities. Even some of the best known schools fall short in this aspect. Our children naturally fall into the habit of not drinking enough water for fear of using the loo in the school, which leads to multiple problems later on in life. As parents, we must insist on having a look at the school and its facilities at the time of admission. However, it is easier said than done in a country like ours. We are so pressed to get an admission in the first place, that sanitary facilities are not even on our list of priorities. But what bothers me is that we try to ignore the complaints of the children and ask them to adjust. In parent- teachers' meetings issues like exam scores, tests and tuitions are discussed exhaustively, but never the lack of toilet facilities. We feel that it's taboo to talk about this subject.

I wonder why parents don't come together to insist on good sanitation or why NGOs and government don't get involved in such a serious issue. There are so many unanswered questions and I feel troubled whenever I think of the plight of the school-going children in this regard. I feel that this is one area in which the country has made absolutely no progress, since the problem exists from the days of our grandparents.

Paattu paada vaa

I like to watch music based programs on tv and I am often floored by the talent that we get to see on some of the music talent shows. Especially some of the kids on these shows have amazing skills and I wonder whether they really enjoy any true childhood moments at all as they seem to be practicing for years to take part in these shows.
One such program is ""Paattu paada Vaa"on Vijay TV and I really enjoy it because it is more about the lyrics and not the musical talent. It actually makes us go down the memory lane to recollect the lyrics of our favourite songs. It also throws light on the poor quality of lyrics of the latest songs (""Excuse me, Mr. Kandaswamy" takes the cake among the latest ones.............there is nothing more to the lyrics except two words -"podi" and "poda") when compared to the old melodies. We are able to appreciate Kannadasan or Kalayanasundaram for bringing out the right mood with the right words in comparison to the muck we're put through these days.
Anuradha Sriram as the hostess does a great job. With mildly sarcastic comments and a sympathetic attitude towards the participants when they lose the game, she makes an entertaining host. All in all, a nice show with a different theme and quite enjoyable with surprise packages like actress Abhirami (who sang like a pro) and lyricist Paa. Vijay as participants.

Mahadev temple

We made a 3-days trip to Goa. It was a welcome break from the daily routine. We spent the first two days on the usual- sight-seeing in North Goa, South Goa ,the famous beaches, etc. Having finished off with that, we had no idea about what to do with ourselves on the third day.It was then that our hotel receptionist suggested we make a trip to a Mahadev temple at a place called Tambdi surla , about 80 kms from Goa. It turned out to be the best trip of the tour. The road leading to Tambdi surla was a delight. It wound through typical rural Goa, with lush green meadows and fields and forests. On the way, we halted at Bondla wildlife sanctuary, which again, was set amidst lush greenery , with a huge garden and a mini zoo that was very well maintained.
We reached Tambdi surla in good time and surprisingly the place was devoid of tourists except for us. The temple has been relocated stone by stone and is an architectural marvel. It is now set amidst hills with a gushing stream running all around the temple. There was no pujari. A small lit lamp was the only sign of human presence in that place. It all made me feel very calm.
I have never been too religious or spent a lot of time in temples. In fact, I always thought that the churches were better than temples (when it came to crowds and noise) to have some peaceful moments. I always preferred a calm and serene temple to a crowded, famous one. (Thiruvanaikaval Jambukeshwarar temple and Nagarajaswamy temple at Nagercoil are few of the serene ones that I've liked). But this Mahadev temple beat them all. I think, we were there at the right time; season-wise, it was just after the monsoon and crowd-wise, it was not the tourist season. All of us just took in the natural beauty and admired the whole setting. We spent a lot more time than we had planned to, soaking our feet in the pristine pure stream water. The best part of it was that it was completely untouched by humans-nature simply seemed pour out its beauty for us to see.
From now on, Goa will always be remembered by us , not for those world famous beaches or the historically important churches, but for that small temple, a small reminder of what nature can become and be if left unto itself.

Being a freelancer

I was a working woman before marriage. Post marriage, I decided to stay at home and the decision was completely supported by my husband. Though we went through periods of financial crisis in the first few years of marriage, never did I want to go for a full time job. Luckily, with my qualification in foreign language, getting a part time assignment was not a problem. I enjoyed this so much so that I decided to work only as a freelancer.
I realised that being a freelancer has its own disadvantages. The family became extended and I had constant flow of visitors. But the concept of working from home was not easily understood by people then (and even now, I feel, is not taken seriously) and whenever I had guests or someone was not well in the family, I was expected to stop working even if I was midway through an assignment. No amount of talk about commitment would work. The attitude was- you are working from home only, you haven't even met the guy who is giving you the job, so why worry? The other problem was that excuse of being busy due to work doesn't work when the house is messy. A full time working woman can take the liberty of keeping the house messy, because she goes out to work. But freelancing doesn't count as real work- why can't I keep the house clean? In social gatherings, when people ask me what I do, I proudly declare I am a freelancer and the immediate reaction is a sarcastic "Oh, telemarketing, is it?" or "tupperware?" or "Amway?". When I say I am a translator they give me a surprised look-the concept of being a freelance linguist is still a rarity, I guess.
If these were the problems at the domestic front, the problems on the professional front were things like the client wanting a job done over the weekend or holidays, so that they will have the assignment ready when the office opens after the holiday. But what about us enjoying our holidays when the children are at home? Similarly, genuine excuses like power cuts or internet disconnection are not taken lightly and the client expects us to work extra because we are at home.
Despite all these, there are quite a lot of advantages. I don't get scolded by the boss, there are no performance appraisals , no conferences or meetings to attend, there are no commuting problems, no dress code and best of all, I get to spend the time with the kids, be at home and stop working whenever I am exhausted. I can eat, sleep and have coffee or tea anytime I want to. I have the best excuse to keep away from unwanted parties and from the stupid tv programs while getting paid for it. Isn't that great? Sure, I have complaints about my job, but then, who doesn't? I enjoy my job and I think it's the best way to work.

Human touch

When my parents decided to come and stay with me, I was sure that I was one of the luckiest daughters, blessed with the opportunity to take care of her father during his last days. My father was bedridden and we had to perform dialysis at home for him. I thought I was behaving like the perfect daughter - giving him his medicines, doing the dialysis, and taking care of every need of his. This illusion was broken one day, when my father suddenly called me and asked me to sit near him. I sat next to him and he just held my hands tightly and told me "I am so happy that you are doing everything for me, but why am I also feeling sad that there is no human touch involved in whatever you are doing?". This was a huge blow to my ego and I realized that whatever I had been doing for him was just a duty, like something any nurse or doctor would have done for him. I had completely ignored the fact that I could do more for him as a daughter- by holding his hands or giving him a hug.
More often than not,we think that having an aged person at home, cooking for them, giving them their medicines or just giving them a place to stay is enough. How many times do we spend a few minutes exclusively with them or sitting next to them? Even if we spend time talking to them, we don't touch them , pat them or hold hands.......At their age, loneliness could be a killing factor and human touch could do wonders for their psyche. But in this materialistic world, we don't show our affection, care or treat them like they are wanted. We forget that old age is just a few years down the line for us too and that we we could be facing a similar situation ourselves. Take a moment to think whether we would like to be treated the way they are treated....Is that what we want from our children too?
Do we ever realize that all people would want at that age is really nothing but a display of affection? They are like small kids who want to be showered with love. An aged person- especially a single parent, in-law, aunt or uncle- doesn't need our gifts or presents , but only a few moments of companionship to show that we care for them. And a human touch is enough to make them feel wanted.