Summer vacations

We are already making plans for summer vacation trips. Till about a couple of years ago, we were making the mandatory annual vacation trip to chennai from Mumbai without a second thought. But for the past two years we realize that children have grown up and they no longer have company to enjoy the vacation when we go hopping from one relative's house to the other in the sweltering heat of chennai. All the kids in the family have grown up and each one is busy with their own summer plans. Its no longer a family get together that was a few years back.  I also pity the children of this generation who are pushed by parents to attend various summer camps and endless list of classes. I am reminded of my own childhood where summer vacations started the day we finished our exams and were packed off to our native village.

All the cousins used to come to our village in summer, and what a great time we used to have! Early mornings were equivalent to summer classes when we had to learn cycling and swimming from our uncles and cousins who were already experts in them. In fact, I used to be scared of the swimming classes because it was not a typical pool like those in the cities where we could learn swimming. We were pushed into the wells in the farm lands to learn swimming. These wells had no walls and were  huge in circumference at the ground level. Beginners had to climb down the stone steps inside the well and had to jump into the water with just a rubber tyre around the waist. With passing days, the level we had to jump from the stone steps was increased and the final class was to jump into the well from the ground level without entering the well through stone steps. Although it was scary we enjoyed it thoroughly. After the strenuous sessions of swimming, we were treated to fresh mangoes and huge glasses of sugar cane juice right in the fields. It was bliss and after an hours trekking back from the fields to home we used to feel so tired and hungry that even ordinary regular fare during lunch used to taste heavenly. Then afternoons were the time to play chess (boards engraved on the floor) and five stones (a game typical for girls where we had to throw five stones up in the air and catch them in various patterns). Evenings were for theatre activities. Couple of cousins used to become script writers (not that they wrote great plays), couple of others were make up artists (read as experts in using kajal to create moustach)  and all the senior cousins were part of the cast. Juniors, despite showing their unhappiness about not being select for the main cast were in charge of managing the audience ( a handful of neighbourhood kids) and creating music and background score with kitchen utensils. Initial few days used to be spent in writing scripts (which was changed every day and every hour depending on how the script writer got along with his/her cousins, whether everybody agreed to the script) and practising the lines and last couple of days used to be dress rehersal (wrapping around old sarees and dhotis of elders used to generate so much laughter among the kids). Most of the times , the final play would not be enacted since the main cast would have already gone back after their vacation. Though it used to be disappointing for the rest of the kids, it never bothered them when the play was planned the subsequent year.
Come to think of this generation, I feel sorry for the kids who never experience such creativity and enjoy vacations in sync with the nature.

Kolkatta Kali temple

Recently, I made my second trip to the city of joy, Kolkatta.This time it was a sight seeing trip combined with the purpose of visiting my daughter. I was very much keen to see Belur Mutt and the famous Kolkatta Kali temple. I studied in a Ramakrishna Mission school and always was inspired by Ramakrishna and Vivekanada's teachings. Hence the visit to Belur Ramakrishna Mutt was very special. Like all Mutt premises in other parts of the country, Belur was so peaceful and beautiful. 
Kolkatta as a city was stark in its dusty and dirty roads and buses, abject poverty was evident in every nook and corner of the city. It was a common sight to see groups of people washing and bathing in open at the corners of even busy roads.  I thought, Mumbai , despite its staggering slum population has an air of affluence which is lacking in Kolkatta.
My expectations about the most famous Kali temple at Kali Ghat in Kolkatta was high after hearing about the aura and power of Kali narrated by her devotees. My cousin, with who I stayed, was luckily staying close to the Kali temple. She suggested that we visit the temple late night as the crowd would be minimal at that time and we can have a hassle-free darshan. I had been warned of pandas (beggars living in the temple) who can extract money, grab your purse at the Kali temple.  So it was a good suggestion to visit the temple late night.
I was imagining a smooth passage to the sanctum sanctorum and a nice, peaceful darshan at that time. But I was surprised to see quite a crowd at the temple even at that time. There was no proper approach or line to the sanctum sanctorum. there were dogs roaming around and beggars all along the way and to top it all, the sanctum sanctorum itself was so crowded, people were entering and moving out at their will and the entire area was dirty, filled with water and slush , with dried flowers, food and all other muck. I just could not experience any divinity with so much to be careful about before actually having proper darshan. Within seconds , even before we could realize we were close to Kali Mata we were smeared with tilak and money was grabbed from our hands by the pandit and we were pushed out. I was wondering where was the aura or divine shakthi of Kali which I was supposed to experience? Did I miss it because I was more worried about my mother who could slip and fall in that slush? or was it because I am not yet spiritual enough to ignore the surrounding and just concentrate on the divine power of the Kali mata? Whatever be the reason, visit to the much awaited Kali temple turned out to be a damp squib. 
I might sound very unspiritual to those believe in the divine power of Kali, but for me, peace and divinity can be experienced better in temples like tiruvannaikaval Jambukeshwarar temple or nagarajaswamy temple in Nagercoil in Tamil Nadu, where the premises are very clean, crowd is minimal on ordinary days and the mandaps are huge and you are allowed to sit there for hours just enjoying the nature and the fresh smell of jasmine flowers and incense sticks. 

 Images of Kali temple and Kali Mata

 View of Belur Ramakrishna Mutt

With this visit to Kali temple, at least I realize, its going to take a while for me to feel spiritual and experience divine peace in a temple despite its disorderliness and muck.

Friends or executives?

I  have been blessed with good set of friends whether be it from school, college or language courses. I have been in touch with my close group of friends all through the years. I am also proud of the fact that some of them are really down to earth and remain the same and never flaunt their success in careers or boast about their achievements in life. Our core behaviour remains the same and we are able to chat about anything and everything without inhibitions.
Perhaps, this behaviour of my close friends also has made me taken them for granted, which I recently realized.  When I meet my friends we just chat about our families, children and general problems we face and hardly discuss the careers. I recently changed my mobile handset and realized a bit late that some of my contact numbers were not transferred from the old phone. I had lost the phone numbers of quite a few friends. But I thought, with google, facebook and other social media that are available its not going to be difficult to trace them. But there was this particular friend who held a high position in a mnc and was not active on social networks. So I had to google her name to find out her contact number. Only then did I realize that she was actually a very busy executive and a very successful woman giving lectures and presenting papers in international conventions. But never once during our meetings has she behaved like one who was so successful. I used to call her anytime I felt like talking to her and she always was there for me. Never did it cross my mind that she could actually be in the midst of a high level meeting or attending a conference in some other part of the world.
It feels great to have such friends who have not allowed success to go to their heads. After this googling experience, I have started valuing such friendships even better than before.

Twin blows!

Although he was ailing, losing my father was a big blow.  Of course with time, we went back into the routine and as the pain of losing him started becoming lesser, our family had to face the second blow within a few months. My brother passed away and it was totally unexpected and came out of the blue. In times of grief, we turn towards the Almighty and ask him several questions. My foremost one was why our family was the chosen one to face such huge deathly blows within a short span of time. Though my mother, who was the most affected in the family, took it in her stride, this nagging question of why us never left me for quite a few years.

Then I slowly realized that we were not the only ones to go through such twin blows. If we look around and observe, there are lot of families who face such twin or even triple blows within a very short period. Its just that we are too immersed in our own sorrows that we don't notice others who endure more. Recently my husband's uncle who was close to the family passed away after suffering from throat cancer. Just when we thought the family had endured the worst and wished that the near ones face better times, comes the news that my aunt, his wife is suffering from breast cancer. Their children, all of them daughters,  are just in their late twenties and early thirties and are involved in setting up their own families and its sad that they have to handle such a crisis immediately after facing their father's agonizing death.  I am sure that "why us" question would be nagging them too.

With all these philosophical thoughts about twin blows and chosen ones theory, I also realize that we never appreciate when we have  success stories or double happy events which happen in quick succession in our family and never question God about why we were the chosen ones to experience such pleasures. There are millions of people in the world who suffer more than we do and just a trip to the local hospital could be a great eye opener as to how blessed we are to  lead the lives we are blessed with. 

A journey to remember

Positive side of being a freelancer and housewife is that I need not commute in peak hour traffic in a congested city like Mumbai . I always thank my stars for being in a stay at home profession every time I travelled in a public transport. Till now, I made sure that I travelled long distances only in mid afternoons when the crowds in buses or trains are manageable. Even travelling by a car can be hassling , especially during peak hours when the traffic jams seem to be endless. My sympathies always lie with women who have to manage all the chores at home and then rush to the offices and  are also harassed in the trains and buses.

But recently, in fact, for the first time in my eight year stay at Mumbai, I travelled by train in peak office hour.It was indeed an interesting experience and I realized women were actually enjoying their journey . The women's compartment in Mumbai local trains is a scene of bustling activity and interesting too to watch how women utilize their journey time. There were women and girls of different age groups involved in various activities. College girls were busy texting their friends and taking out their make-up kit from their bags and busy combing their hair, applying a dab of lipstick or touching up their eyes. Middle aged women were happy catching up with the previous days happenings with their friends while munching and sharing their breakfast. There was a group of old age women who looked like vegetable vendors who sat on the floor of the train in a big circle and were busy sharing business secrets along with their quick bite of vada-pav.
Best thing about the entire compartment was that I didn't see a single unhappy or harassed face despite rushing from home, travelling in a congested train and having a long day to toil. they were actually happy to see the faces of their friends who were sailing in the same life boat and I could realize that this journey time was the best time of their hard days and they all looked forward to it.
By the time my station arrived I even went through a pang of jealousy that I didn't have such a good circle of friends who I could meet every day and share my thoughts and food at the same time.  It was an eye-opening journey for me with regard to the life of women in this city.

Just a click away?

During my childhood my house always used to be bustling with people. We were a large family of four children and there were always a couple of cousins from the native village who stayed in our house for their education. There were lots of friends and relatives who visited us and some of them even used to come to chennai, with our house as the boarding place. It was fun and we enjoyed spending time and chatting with loads of relatives. The house was small, but we still managed to have a great time within the limited space. Now we live in better houses but there are hardly friends or relatives who visit us. Even if they do so, it is just for a couple of hours and they think twice about staying with us and doubt the facilities at home and prefer to stay in hotels and make a flying visit. With active social media, now we are in touch with almost everyone who we never met for years. Though its an advantage of the social media, the downside is that we never take the effort to meet someone in person and spend time. we are happy just clicking the like button and relax that we are in touch with the near and dear ones.
Last week our neighborhood uncle who was very active despite his age died. I remembered him as one who used to sit with the watchmen downstairs and chat with them at particular times of the day. He loved spending the time with them as both his son and daughter in law were working and obviously, was feeling lonely at home. I used to wonder whether anybody in  the family or friends circle even bothered how he was doing while staying alone throughout the day. Personally, it came as a shock to realize that this uncle passed away as I had seen him just a few days back happily chatting with the watchmen. During the death ceremonies, there were a huge number of people who turned up and shared their memories about the uncle. But secretly I wondered whether these people ever managed to give him a call when he was alive and even bothered to check out whether he was doing fine.
This is the fate of the older generation today, they are left alone and the younger generation is happy connecting with a distant cousin or long last friend over social media than care to give a call or visit an ageing uncle or aunty or for that matter, even their own parents living away. I realize with pain that my days of loneliness are not too far away.

Back to the past?

  There is a special section in our newspaper which prints the events that happened on the same date 50 years back. It gives interesting insights into the life and events and reporting style of that era. Recently they had published a photograph in this column where it showed a picture of a bandh protest in Kolkatta in 1964 and the crowd that was waiting to get into the train at Howrah station. Until now , I had the impression that the evergrowing population of India is making life very difficult for the present generation and it would have been better if we were living in a peaceful, manageable population of 1960s and 1970s. But this picture changed my perception. Howrah station of 1964 doesn't look better than a church gate station (Mumbai) in 2014.
Especially, in the past 5-6 years, airports in India are worse than the railway stations and in fact , when you stand at the gate to board your shuttle bus, its more like a moffussil bus stand where the conductor screams his heart out calling our for passengers travelling to small towns. Literally,

at the airport, they call out for passengers travelling to different cities. It sounds funny . In fact, after my first trip abroad in the 80's I was treated like a queen in my friends circle, as I was the only one who had boarded an aircraft among them, now even a new born makes its first trip only by flight.

The discussion with my friend was about this population and commuting problems and after seeing the  60's image in the newspaper , I told her that the situation was worse then too. But then she had an interesting take on the whole problem and she said, maybe it will become better in the future because, now even people in villages and small towns are aware of the benefits of having a small family and restrict themselves to having just one child or two children and situation would only become better as the population would dwindle and more people are settled abroad. I don't know whether its a correct observation but if the situation remains the same, in the future, our children can never board a bus, train or for that matter, even a flight on time.