Chithi

Among all the roles that I have to play as part of a huge family, most favorite one is the role of chithi (tamil term for aunt, mother's younger sister). I am the fourth daughter in law in my husband's family and hence called chithi by all the kids in the family. On my maternal side too, being the younger daughter, I am the chithi to my sister's kids. . My nieces and nephews open up to me and consider me to be their pal and we have a good time, joking, laughing and sharing anecdotes.
Chithis being the younger daughters of the family share a special bond with their sister's children as they are first kids they get to handle even before marriage and having their own kids. This definitely makes the bonding special and a lasting one too.
I shared the same warmth and comfort with my own chithi. As a college student, I used to run to her place , spend time, eat all the delicacies prepared by her and generally have a very rejuvenating breaks from my routine. I could discuss matters with her which I wouldn't discuss with an elder otherwise. she was a very dependable soul-mate. There was never any hesitation to talk about any topic under the sun nor any awkwardness in her presence. I would even find faults with her beliefs and practices and she would take it in her stride. After years of my marriage, my chithi stayed with me for over two weeks and we had a great time, it was like having my best friend with me. she cooked my favorite recipes and we chatted 24x7. I would count those days as one of the best in my life.
She passed away this week after brief illness but her memories and the best times we shared would stay eternal. The best tribute to her would be to be the best chithi to my nieces and nephews. I am sure all the chithis who share special bonds with their elder sister's children would agree with this topic and share my sentiment.

Election campaigns

Thinking of my mother in law who passed away a few months back at the ripe old age of 85 and my late father  during these days of election campaigns. Why particularly now am I reminded of them?  

My mother in law was a very soft-spoken and kind soul who did as many chores as possible whenever she was around. She took turns to stay with her five sons and had to adjust living with five different women as her daughters in law. Her favourite quote was that its easy to adjust with one mother in law for us than she adjusting to five daughters in law. Though my mother in law wanted to be active within the limitations of her physical strength, her sons , daughters and daughters in law were quick to remind her that she is getting older and she must take rest and enjoy life and not bother herself with the regular chores. Though all this was said because of the affection we all had for her, in the long run, I personally felt that not allowing the elders in the family to actively do what they want is in a way inhibiting their freedom and cutting down their satisfaction that they are doing something purposeful.  It was the same case with my father. He wanted to be active till his very last day, wanted to write books, go around the town to meet his friends (despite being a amputee) , wanted to start his own business venture even past his 70s and we were quick to reprimand him for these and remind him that he was old and not fit enough to do all he desired for.

This sentiment about not allowing the elders to do what they like the most without reminding them that they are older is proven wrong when we observe the recent election campaigns in India . There was this interesting piece of news in the papers that most of the party leaders who were actively campaigning for their parties were mostly septuagenarians or octogenarians (Karunanidhi of DMK is 90, being the oldest of the lot) . I am sure their family members too are a worried lot who think why should their father or uncle tour around the country so much at this ripe old age? But, I am sure these aged leaders enjoy their active lifestyle so much that they would not want to miss the opportunity to be useful to their respective parties. They are the shining examples to prove that age is just a number and its the mind that matters. But as an ordinary citizen would I allow my aged mother to do something on her own and give her the freedom to enjoy her time without being unduly worried whether she would fall sick doing some chore or without feeling irritated that she need not do a particular chore at that age? I am not so sure about myself! But giving the freedom to the aged is a valuable lesson this election campaign has taught me. 

Summer vacations

We are already making plans for summer vacation trips. Till about a couple of years ago, we were making the mandatory annual vacation trip to chennai from Mumbai without a second thought. But for the past two years we realize that children have grown up and they no longer have company to enjoy the vacation when we go hopping from one relative's house to the other in the sweltering heat of chennai. All the kids in the family have grown up and each one is busy with their own summer plans. Its no longer a family get together that was a few years back.  I also pity the children of this generation who are pushed by parents to attend various summer camps and endless list of classes. I am reminded of my own childhood where summer vacations started the day we finished our exams and were packed off to our native village.

All the cousins used to come to our village in summer, and what a great time we used to have! Early mornings were equivalent to summer classes when we had to learn cycling and swimming from our uncles and cousins who were already experts in them. In fact, I used to be scared of the swimming classes because it was not a typical pool like those in the cities where we could learn swimming. We were pushed into the wells in the farm lands to learn swimming. These wells had no walls and were  huge in circumference at the ground level. Beginners had to climb down the stone steps inside the well and had to jump into the water with just a rubber tyre around the waist. With passing days, the level we had to jump from the stone steps was increased and the final class was to jump into the well from the ground level without entering the well through stone steps. Although it was scary we enjoyed it thoroughly. After the strenuous sessions of swimming, we were treated to fresh mangoes and huge glasses of sugar cane juice right in the fields. It was bliss and after an hours trekking back from the fields to home we used to feel so tired and hungry that even ordinary regular fare during lunch used to taste heavenly. Then afternoons were the time to play chess (boards engraved on the floor) and five stones (a game typical for girls where we had to throw five stones up in the air and catch them in various patterns). Evenings were for theatre activities. Couple of cousins used to become script writers (not that they wrote great plays), couple of others were make up artists (read as experts in using kajal to create moustach)  and all the senior cousins were part of the cast. Juniors, despite showing their unhappiness about not being select for the main cast were in charge of managing the audience ( a handful of neighbourhood kids) and creating music and background score with kitchen utensils. Initial few days used to be spent in writing scripts (which was changed every day and every hour depending on how the script writer got along with his/her cousins, whether everybody agreed to the script) and practising the lines and last couple of days used to be dress rehersal (wrapping around old sarees and dhotis of elders used to generate so much laughter among the kids). Most of the times , the final play would not be enacted since the main cast would have already gone back after their vacation. Though it used to be disappointing for the rest of the kids, it never bothered them when the play was planned the subsequent year.
Come to think of this generation, I feel sorry for the kids who never experience such creativity and enjoy vacations in sync with the nature.

Kolkatta Kali temple

Recently, I made my second trip to the city of joy, Kolkatta.This time it was a sight seeing trip combined with the purpose of visiting my daughter. I was very much keen to see Belur Mutt and the famous Kolkatta Kali temple. I studied in a Ramakrishna Mission school and always was inspired by Ramakrishna and Vivekanada's teachings. Hence the visit to Belur Ramakrishna Mutt was very special. Like all Mutt premises in other parts of the country, Belur was so peaceful and beautiful. 
Kolkatta as a city was stark in its dusty and dirty roads and buses, abject poverty was evident in every nook and corner of the city. It was a common sight to see groups of people washing and bathing in open at the corners of even busy roads.  I thought, Mumbai , despite its staggering slum population has an air of affluence which is lacking in Kolkatta.
My expectations about the most famous Kali temple at Kali Ghat in Kolkatta was high after hearing about the aura and power of Kali narrated by her devotees. My cousin, with who I stayed, was luckily staying close to the Kali temple. She suggested that we visit the temple late night as the crowd would be minimal at that time and we can have a hassle-free darshan. I had been warned of pandas (beggars living in the temple) who can extract money, grab your purse at the Kali temple.  So it was a good suggestion to visit the temple late night.
I was imagining a smooth passage to the sanctum sanctorum and a nice, peaceful darshan at that time. But I was surprised to see quite a crowd at the temple even at that time. There was no proper approach or line to the sanctum sanctorum. there were dogs roaming around and beggars all along the way and to top it all, the sanctum sanctorum itself was so crowded, people were entering and moving out at their will and the entire area was dirty, filled with water and slush , with dried flowers, food and all other muck. I just could not experience any divinity with so much to be careful about before actually having proper darshan. Within seconds , even before we could realize we were close to Kali Mata we were smeared with tilak and money was grabbed from our hands by the pandit and we were pushed out. I was wondering where was the aura or divine shakthi of Kali which I was supposed to experience? Did I miss it because I was more worried about my mother who could slip and fall in that slush? or was it because I am not yet spiritual enough to ignore the surrounding and just concentrate on the divine power of the Kali mata? Whatever be the reason, visit to the much awaited Kali temple turned out to be a damp squib. 
I might sound very unspiritual to those believe in the divine power of Kali, but for me, peace and divinity can be experienced better in temples like tiruvannaikaval Jambukeshwarar temple or nagarajaswamy temple in Nagercoil in Tamil Nadu, where the premises are very clean, crowd is minimal on ordinary days and the mandaps are huge and you are allowed to sit there for hours just enjoying the nature and the fresh smell of jasmine flowers and incense sticks. 

 Images of Kali temple and Kali Mata

 View of Belur Ramakrishna Mutt

With this visit to Kali temple, at least I realize, its going to take a while for me to feel spiritual and experience divine peace in a temple despite its disorderliness and muck.

Friends or executives?

I  have been blessed with good set of friends whether be it from school, college or language courses. I have been in touch with my close group of friends all through the years. I am also proud of the fact that some of them are really down to earth and remain the same and never flaunt their success in careers or boast about their achievements in life. Our core behaviour remains the same and we are able to chat about anything and everything without inhibitions.
Perhaps, this behaviour of my close friends also has made me taken them for granted, which I recently realized.  When I meet my friends we just chat about our families, children and general problems we face and hardly discuss the careers. I recently changed my mobile handset and realized a bit late that some of my contact numbers were not transferred from the old phone. I had lost the phone numbers of quite a few friends. But I thought, with google, facebook and other social media that are available its not going to be difficult to trace them. But there was this particular friend who held a high position in a mnc and was not active on social networks. So I had to google her name to find out her contact number. Only then did I realize that she was actually a very busy executive and a very successful woman giving lectures and presenting papers in international conventions. But never once during our meetings has she behaved like one who was so successful. I used to call her anytime I felt like talking to her and she always was there for me. Never did it cross my mind that she could actually be in the midst of a high level meeting or attending a conference in some other part of the world.
It feels great to have such friends who have not allowed success to go to their heads. After this googling experience, I have started valuing such friendships even better than before.

Twin blows!

Although he was ailing, losing my father was a big blow.  Of course with time, we went back into the routine and as the pain of losing him started becoming lesser, our family had to face the second blow within a few months. My brother passed away and it was totally unexpected and came out of the blue. In times of grief, we turn towards the Almighty and ask him several questions. My foremost one was why our family was the chosen one to face such huge deathly blows within a short span of time. Though my mother, who was the most affected in the family, took it in her stride, this nagging question of why us never left me for quite a few years.

Then I slowly realized that we were not the only ones to go through such twin blows. If we look around and observe, there are lot of families who face such twin or even triple blows within a very short period. Its just that we are too immersed in our own sorrows that we don't notice others who endure more. Recently my husband's uncle who was close to the family passed away after suffering from throat cancer. Just when we thought the family had endured the worst and wished that the near ones face better times, comes the news that my aunt, his wife is suffering from breast cancer. Their children, all of them daughters,  are just in their late twenties and early thirties and are involved in setting up their own families and its sad that they have to handle such a crisis immediately after facing their father's agonizing death.  I am sure that "why us" question would be nagging them too.

With all these philosophical thoughts about twin blows and chosen ones theory, I also realize that we never appreciate when we have  success stories or double happy events which happen in quick succession in our family and never question God about why we were the chosen ones to experience such pleasures. There are millions of people in the world who suffer more than we do and just a trip to the local hospital could be a great eye opener as to how blessed we are to  lead the lives we are blessed with. 

A journey to remember

Positive side of being a freelancer and housewife is that I need not commute in peak hour traffic in a congested city like Mumbai . I always thank my stars for being in a stay at home profession every time I travelled in a public transport. Till now, I made sure that I travelled long distances only in mid afternoons when the crowds in buses or trains are manageable. Even travelling by a car can be hassling , especially during peak hours when the traffic jams seem to be endless. My sympathies always lie with women who have to manage all the chores at home and then rush to the offices and  are also harassed in the trains and buses.

But recently, in fact, for the first time in my eight year stay at Mumbai, I travelled by train in peak office hour.It was indeed an interesting experience and I realized women were actually enjoying their journey . The women's compartment in Mumbai local trains is a scene of bustling activity and interesting too to watch how women utilize their journey time. There were women and girls of different age groups involved in various activities. College girls were busy texting their friends and taking out their make-up kit from their bags and busy combing their hair, applying a dab of lipstick or touching up their eyes. Middle aged women were happy catching up with the previous days happenings with their friends while munching and sharing their breakfast. There was a group of old age women who looked like vegetable vendors who sat on the floor of the train in a big circle and were busy sharing business secrets along with their quick bite of vada-pav.
Best thing about the entire compartment was that I didn't see a single unhappy or harassed face despite rushing from home, travelling in a congested train and having a long day to toil. they were actually happy to see the faces of their friends who were sailing in the same life boat and I could realize that this journey time was the best time of their hard days and they all looked forward to it.
By the time my station arrived I even went through a pang of jealousy that I didn't have such a good circle of friends who I could meet every day and share my thoughts and food at the same time.  It was an eye-opening journey for me with regard to the life of women in this city.