Self(ie) destruction

 I have always had a low self esteem when it comes to my photographs. Though , as a child, I was fond of dressing up and like all other kids, loved to pose in every photograph that was taken during occasions like wedding or family functions. My uncle, who was a budding photographer then, used to click my pictures at random and when I happened to look at them later, I always wondered why my nose looked this way in a photograph, or why my head was tilted in another or why my hair strand was not in place in the third. I eternally have complaints about the way I look in every photograph. There has never been a perfect photograph of myself in my opinion. But never do I shy away from posing with the hope that at least the next photograph would turn out be a perfect one for me. But I am yet to have that satisfaction.
With the advent of mobile phones, taking pictures of random people , random places has become a huge hobby. I do agree that having a camera so handy has helped me capture some beautiful moments instantly without having to run around finding a good camera and setting it up. But I am appalled by this craze of taking "selfies" and "usfies" in the recent times. It is almost bordering on arrogance to take so many pictures of oneself as though nothing in the world around you is more important than yourself. There are reports about how people are happily clicking selfies in the midst of accidents and have become victims of accidents due to carelessly taken selfies. I don't understand how people can stare at the camera and click pictures which enlarge their features to monstrous proportions and still find them to be pleasing to the eyes and upload them on their social media sites. The endless pouting poses annoy me and I am unable to recognise even the close relatives in their selfie poses due to the enlarged features and wierd expressions. But surely, this selfie craze has brought a positive outlook in me and I have lesser complaints about my looks in the normal photographs that are taken and in fact, feel glad that my features don't look enlarged as in selfie and the natural background of my picture is more pleasing to the eyes than a narcissistic selfie.

Sugar crush!

Does the title sound like candy crush , latest sensation among the gaming enthusiasts? I am sure, the success of this game is due to the huge diabetic population which relishes the candies at least in the game.
Since both my parents are diabetic and always the threat of me becoming one is there , I thought I should have enough of all the sweets I relish before I come into the risk category. I never realized till about recently that diabetes was knocking at my door and it would all come down to my will power not to open the door for it.  Recent round of health check up showed that I am a borderline case and  am likely to  join the club soon.
As a first step towards prevention, I decided not to give in to the weakness of munching chocolates at any given time and also cut down on sugar added to tea or coffee. I was foolish enough to think that this is going to be a cakewalk (why do I have to think of cake now?). Gulping down a bitter cup of coffee early in the morning was the worst punishment I have had in my life so far.  Just a sip and I decided, ok, I am just borderline case, a half spoon of sugar won't do me any harm and promised to myself , no more sugar for the day.  Then during the day, every time I opened my fridge, there was the  chocolate bar that was inviting me. I convinced myself just this day would be the last day of having that bar and I had a hearty bite. By evening, my neighbour sent me a bowl of kheer she had made and I had to taste couple of spoons  as I was sure she would ask my feedback the next day. By the end of the day, starting with a half spoon sugar in my morning coffee , I realised that I have had the regular dose of my sweets and it was just another day of my life without any changes for the warning I have received.
As a daughter, there have been innumerable instances when I have screamed at my father and mother for giving in to temptations and eating sweets during festivals and they were not even habitual sweet lovers like me. Except for the diabetes related outbursts (one or two per day) I can vouch that I lead a very , happy, quarrel free life with my diabetic husband.
If just one day of my life without sugar was so torturous and difficult to resist temptations, I am dreading the Diwali time when the house is going to be loaded with chocolates and sweets of all kinds. The real test for me lies ahead and I am already busy browsing the net for all kinds of tips to keep my sugar level under control irrespective of the amount of sweets I eat. I am also trying to drink everything from karela juice to aloe vera juice and anything recommended by anybody to keep diabetes at bay. I am sure, I am going to get free advice wherever I go and I am game for trying them as long as they give me the choice to enjoy my sweets. The images below are for representation purposes only !

Eco-friendly Ganesha

Ganesh Chathurthi is one of my favourite Hindu festivals, since it involves lord Ganesha, the most fascinating Hindu God and also the modaks that are made during the festival are my favourite sweet. The vivid memory from my childhood celebrating this festival, involves the trip to the market to buy a small idol of Ganesha for the puja. Couple of days before the festival, the market area used to be bustling with activity, with mountains of clay being kept on the pavements and artisans busy making the idol for the orders. I used to watch fascinated the way the artisans deftly created the elephant face and within minutes, the ball of clay turning into an idol was a real treat. the fun part of the puja was the visarjan or immersion of the idol in ponds or wells that followed the day after the puja. The idol was dropped into the well and the whole family stood around the well watching the idol slowly getting immersed and disappearing.
Though the prices of the clay idol have gone up over the years,  the simplicity of the festival, celebration with a clay idol and its immersion is still a custom that is followed. But after coming to mumbai, the city which is known for its Ganesh chathurthi festival and its grandeur, I realise that the celebration here is not as eco friendly as in chennai, my home town.
We could not find a single market which had clay or artisans making clay idols and we were not interested in buying huge PoP idols that were sold.  The idols  are huge and the festival is a community celebration. Hence the puja and immersion are a grand affair with lot of song, music and dance. Though it has a different flavour here, the noise pollution and the water pollution that result from the celebrations here is really frightening and I wonder what kind of negative impact will this festival have in the future, and just hope that huge PoP idols and playing loud music during the festivities at every corner of the streets is banned soon.
Though a small percentage of the population in Maharashtra is now thinking of eco friendly ways of celebrating the festival, its going to take several years before the entire state changes its way and the damage caused to the nature might be too much by then.

 Huge procession for immersion which stalls the entire city on the day.








Immersion of huge idols     

    The remains of the idols at the sea shore days after the immersion

Getting rid of books.

My father, as I have mentioned earlier in my blog posts, was a voracious reader. He used to say that his father, who was a school teacher in a small village used to get him books from his school library and my father read them at such a pace that soon my grandfather had to borrow books from friends and relatives to keep my father engaged. My father had no restrictions with regard to the subjects he read. His biggest disappointment in us as children was that we were not as widely read as he was. But the good habit that he inculcated in us , I realise, is of great value at middle age.
I have not been an avid reader like my father despite having a huge library at home and always had the excuse that I was busy with my studies and later on with my family duties. But I am ashamed and at the same time amazed that my daughters have taken after my father more than me and are able to read books along with their academic pursuits. If alive, my father would have been proud of them.
Now, well into my late 40s, I realize that I have more time on my hands than before and I should not be giving lame excuses for not reading books. But with time, technology has grown multi-fold  and books as hard copies are no longer preferred. Few years back, my daughters used to pester me to buy books they have heard about from their friends and this habit was burning a hole in our pockets as the new editions were really expensive. But for the past couple of years they have switched over to e-books and they are busy with their tablets and kindles reading books. I too have started reading books which I had been planning since years to read and find that they are easily accessible over the internet and I need not even step out of my house, visit a library or a bookshop to find my favourite book. But its a strange feeling to hold a e-reader and flip pages just with the touch of the finger. There is no cosy feeling of holding my book close to me next to the pillow when I doze off while reading. The intoxicating fragrance of the printed pages is no longer there. I am missing all this, but still having thousands of books at the touch of your finger is rather a big boon than searching rows and rows of books in a library for that single one which you would be hooked to.
My e-reader I hope would become my best buddy in the days to come. 

Courage in adversity

Few years back, for a brief period , I had to stay alone in Bangalore with two small kids as my husband had been posted to Singapore and I could not move in immediately with him. That brief period of managing two small kids all alone in Bangalore was a tough period. I could not leave them behind in the apartment if I had to go out to buy groceries or vegetables as they were very young and I was scared that they might accidentally do something if left alone. but managing them outside with all the shopping bags and busy roads to cross was a bigger challenge. But the biggest challenge of staying alone was facing the callous attitude of one of the officers of my husband's company  towards me as we were staying in the company given apartment.
As per the rules, we were entitled to occupy the apartment till my children completed the academic year in the school, even if my husband was posted elsewhere. My husband had clearly explained this to me and asked me not to worry about continuing to stay in the apartment. But , out of the blue, one day, a good friend of my husband who was also the senior officer in the company, barged into my apartment and asked me the details as to when I was to vacate the flat. When I explained to him that I was awaiting the visa and school authorities to provide me the necessary transfer certificate for my children, he refused to believe it and said I was overstaying and I could be thrown out any time. Despite being an educated woman and fully aware of the company rules, I was shaken and had to call my husband and inform him about this threat.  I was petrified and was under constant fear that some other officer too could walk in like that and threaten me. Luckily, I vacated the apartment soon after that. Despite being an educated woman, I was afraid of the higher authorities who had the audacity to threaten a housewife in the absence of her spouse. It takes lot of guts to stand up to them and I have  never been a brave one in my life who could raise her voice or show courage while facing rude or abusive people .

Family of Fireman Killed in Mumbai High-Rise Fire Refuses to Take His Body(News headlines)

Therefore, it was a huge surprise for me when I came across this news of a fire fighter’s wife, who was not half educated as me , raise her voice against the authorities who were responsible for her husband's death and blamed their apathy for her husband's death. She even refused to take her husband's body home unless she was assured in writing for a handsome compensation and an assured job for her. The authorities as usual waited for her to relent , but when they knew she was adamant in her demands, they had to given in and had to provide the written assurance she asked for. Now few other fire-fighter’s widows too are coming out with their woes of not being provided with adequate compensation or jobs. But congratulations to this brave woman who stood up even at that moment of personal loss to get justice from the authorities. Truly a lesson of courage for me!

Germany and football!

Germany winning the football world cup this week is the biggest source of joy for me personally. Reason being that I was in Germany during the first meeting of the same two teams, namely , Germany and Argentina , in the world cup final in 1986. I was a typical chennai girl at that time, with hardly any exposure to sports and least of all,  football. So during my stay when the world cup was underway, I could not understand the frenzy that surrounded the game there. It was funny for me to watch people glued to their tv sets whether it was in the office or at home. They spoke of nothing else than football at all times. With limited knowledge of the language then, I was not greatly influenced by their chats but then it was personally boring for me, since I neither understood the game, nor the football fever that grips the population there. I was totally ignorant of how great it is for a national team to qualify for the final until I had to step out on the day of the final and was on the road for about half an hour during the match time, and it was scary. There was not a single soul on the road for miles ahead and my friend who was driving the car was driving at top speed of 200km/hr to reach home to watch the match. I was petrified and for the first time, I realized how much this game meant to this European nation. Maybe all the European countries and even the south american countries are under the same intoxicating influence of this game.

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But I had first hand experience of seeing it, living with it, in Germany and it was sad that they lost the finals that time. Even a double championship in tennis (both Boris Becker and Steffi Graf won the singles titles that year) could not be a consolation for the citizens with that biggest loss in football.
After my stay in Germany, back home , I started watching football matches and especially during the world cups. Again 4 years later, these two teams were the finalists and this time , I understood the craze this game generates worldwide and was cheering wildly for my adopted country, Germany. They won and every world cup after that, I stopped watching the matches, once Germany lost and was never interested in any other country playing the game in the finals. I was becoming a crazy German fan while watching football and hence it was a sweet and memorable moment this time around where the country made me sit and watch them till the finals.
Kudoz Germany!

Finding appa

I thought I was close to my father, like all daughters who think so and was shaken to realise that I knew only one side of him and had not noticed the fascinating other side of him. My father, as I knew him, was a very patient, not so disciplining, but loving and caring father, Though he was not physically present in most of the important occasions in my life, I knew his heart was with me and felt very blessed that he chose to stay with me during his last days.  He was intelligent, witty and very well read and admired by people who knew him. I got to know him better only during the last few months of his life when he stayed with me after my marriage. Till then, I grew up without realizing that I was the daughter of a genius who was a walking encyclopedia. For me he was the man who brought me lovely dresses and loads of chocolates after each of his trips abroad and who cracked the best jokes in the world and was chilled out even when I carelessly lost valuable items or didn't do well in the exams. I was also scared and intimidated by his knowledge and would pray everyday that he didn't ask me awkward questions about my studies or whether I have read about random stuff he could come up with. He was a voracious reader and had tons of information about any subject under the sun. I was nowhere close to him in this aspect.

But still he was my lovable friend, philosopher and guide and gave some valuable advice regarding life in his own cool style without imposing his opinions on me.
Now after his death, various people come up to me and chat with me about my father, recall incidents about him, narrate how great a man he was, how generous he was etc. I get to know more about him than he was alive .

I learnt about my father's struggle as a young boy when both his parents passed away in quick succession and he had 5 younger siblings to take care of. The kids did not have anything to call their own, as they had sold everything to take care of their ailing mother. My father, who was just 15, with his 5 younger siblings (youngest one being 3 years old), had to take refuge in his grandmother's  house. He had to walk miles everyday after school to take tuitions to meet his expenses for education. Despite not having even two full meals per day, he was outstanding is his school and later on, in college.  He worked as a lab demonstrator earning a paltry sum and could not continue his higher education. But he managed to answer a difficult chemical quiz in an international science journal and the professor from Germany who posted the quiz was impressed by my father's knowledge that my father was invited to Germany to do his higher studies free of cost.

Recently , I came to know that my father has done his research work under Dr. Heisenberg, the Nobel laureate from Germany who is considered as God of quantum physics. In fact, my father, it seems , was the only Asian to have worked under him. I never knew this fact or the topic of his research and I never even asked my father about his student life and his research work.
Its a lesson learnt that we actually do not know our parents or siblings so well though we feel we are close to them. we are all immersed in our day to day life and its chores that we fail to recognise or take time to share the trials and tribulations of our family members.
This post is a tribute to the greatest soul in my life who would have turned 80 this week if he had been alive and also a post to say sorry to his soul for failing to understand his greatness!