Being a freelancer

I was a working woman before marriage. Post marriage, I decided to stay at home and the decision was completely supported by my husband. Though we went through periods of financial crisis in the first few years of marriage, never did I want to go for a full time job. Luckily, with my qualification in foreign language, getting a part time assignment was not a problem. I enjoyed this so much so that I decided to work only as a freelancer.
I realised that being a freelancer has its own disadvantages. The family became extended and I had constant flow of visitors. But the concept of working from home was not easily understood by people then (and even now, I feel, is not taken seriously) and whenever I had guests or someone was not well in the family, I was expected to stop working even if I was midway through an assignment. No amount of talk about commitment would work. The attitude was- you are working from home only, you haven't even met the guy who is giving you the job, so why worry? The other problem was that excuse of being busy due to work doesn't work when the house is messy. A full time working woman can take the liberty of keeping the house messy, because she goes out to work. But freelancing doesn't count as real work- why can't I keep the house clean? In social gatherings, when people ask me what I do, I proudly declare I am a freelancer and the immediate reaction is a sarcastic "Oh, telemarketing, is it?" or "tupperware?" or "Amway?". When I say I am a translator they give me a surprised look-the concept of being a freelance linguist is still a rarity, I guess.
If these were the problems at the domestic front, the problems on the professional front were things like the client wanting a job done over the weekend or holidays, so that they will have the assignment ready when the office opens after the holiday. But what about us enjoying our holidays when the children are at home? Similarly, genuine excuses like power cuts or internet disconnection are not taken lightly and the client expects us to work extra because we are at home.
Despite all these, there are quite a lot of advantages. I don't get scolded by the boss, there are no performance appraisals , no conferences or meetings to attend, there are no commuting problems, no dress code and best of all, I get to spend the time with the kids, be at home and stop working whenever I am exhausted. I can eat, sleep and have coffee or tea anytime I want to. I have the best excuse to keep away from unwanted parties and from the stupid tv programs while getting paid for it. Isn't that great? Sure, I have complaints about my job, but then, who doesn't? I enjoy my job and I think it's the best way to work.

Human touch

When my parents decided to come and stay with me, I was sure that I was one of the luckiest daughters, blessed with the opportunity to take care of her father during his last days. My father was bedridden and we had to perform dialysis at home for him. I thought I was behaving like the perfect daughter - giving him his medicines, doing the dialysis, and taking care of every need of his. This illusion was broken one day, when my father suddenly called me and asked me to sit near him. I sat next to him and he just held my hands tightly and told me "I am so happy that you are doing everything for me, but why am I also feeling sad that there is no human touch involved in whatever you are doing?". This was a huge blow to my ego and I realized that whatever I had been doing for him was just a duty, like something any nurse or doctor would have done for him. I had completely ignored the fact that I could do more for him as a daughter- by holding his hands or giving him a hug.
More often than not,we think that having an aged person at home, cooking for them, giving them their medicines or just giving them a place to stay is enough. How many times do we spend a few minutes exclusively with them or sitting next to them? Even if we spend time talking to them, we don't touch them , pat them or hold hands.......At their age, loneliness could be a killing factor and human touch could do wonders for their psyche. But in this materialistic world, we don't show our affection, care or treat them like they are wanted. We forget that old age is just a few years down the line for us too and that we we could be facing a similar situation ourselves. Take a moment to think whether we would like to be treated the way they are treated....Is that what we want from our children too?
Do we ever realize that all people would want at that age is really nothing but a display of affection? They are like small kids who want to be showered with love. An aged person- especially a single parent, in-law, aunt or uncle- doesn't need our gifts or presents , but only a few moments of companionship to show that we care for them. And a human touch is enough to make them feel wanted.

Mall mall everywhere, not a single one in Bandra!

I have always enjoyed going to malls. Pushing the cart along rows and rows of various eye-catching items gave me a special high. (No wonder, I could relate so well to Sophie Kinsella's Shopoholic series). I loved picking up things which I thought were absolutely essential and items I thought one could not get anywhere else, irrespective of whether they were put to use or not. During my stay at Singapore, Mustafa, the biggest mall there, was a great attraction. It has 5 floors and 4-5 hours could easily be spent just in going around the mall. Once, I and 4 other friends walked in with a bet that we should come out of Mustafa within half an hour without buying a single item. In the end, only one of us could resist the temptation and walk out empty handed-and it definitely was not me (I started wondering whether this friend truly belonged to female species!)
So, when I landed in Mumbai, I had imagined huge malls and shopping complexes- after all, it was the financial capital. And, -surprise! surprise! - there is not a single mall in the most posh Mumbai suburb, Bandra. There are mini supermarkets but no malls.
Initially I was disappointed and was in fact, complaining to all and sundry. Now, a couple of years later, I notice that my spending habits of have changed. Now I just stick to the list of groceries I prepare every month and give it to my regular shop in the bazaar and they deliver the items. Now that I’m a regular customer, I notice that the shopkeeper even replaces products at the smallest of complaints. The monthly bill of expenses has come down considerably. I no longer think that the house lacks this or that; I no longer want to pick up expensive non-essentials during the next visit to the mall. I know there are no malls nearby (thanks to the problems of commuting in Mumbai, I don't even dream of trying a mall in another area) and just adjust to what I get. The best way to maintain a peaceful home, according to me, is to keep away from malls and reduce the expenses!

Annual get-together

Being part of a large family, according to me , is a big boon. I grew up in a family filled with aunts and uncles who all lived in the same city and made it a point to gather for every occasion possible. The annual ceremony (Srartham) that was done for my grandparents, in particular, was always eagerly looked forward to by all my cousins. The Srarthams were done at our house, my father being the eldest son. We, as kids would plan the day in advance along with our cousins and we used to have a blast. All kids were packed off by the elders to go out and eat something, since the ceremonies would take a long time and lunch would be delayed. We used to go out, have a good breakfast and spend the rest of the day sitting at the patio, singing songs, playing anthakshari, sharing and laughing at the latest jokes in Tamil movies. Now, years later, when we cousins happen to meet , we discuss the great times we've had.
Now, my children too have been lucky enough, so far, to have had similar good times, being part of a large family. They look forward to the annual trip to Chennai to spend time with their cousins and they say , especially so, on the day of the ceremony of my father-in-law. They enjoy having everybody under one roof (they even go on a srartham shopping, to buy , all the knick- knacks they want) and they have a great time dancing and singing behind the shut doors of the room. But slowly , with some cousins already into college and others moving away to distant places, those days are history. But what saddens me the most is that the future generation might hardly have this kind of fun, since people don't seem to have faith in performing such ceremonies and it is seen as more of a ritual and not as a family-get-together. No social networking site can make up for the real fun of such gatherings of cousins and siblings. With the advance in technology, actual human contact and interaction is lessening and we don't seem to realise that. We are happy and proud to have a Facebook account rather than showing up for gatherings in person.