Middle age and spectacles

When I was in third standard, most of the English lessons were boring, but there was one particular lesson which I clearly remember is a story about a man named Kichu who wears spectacles and always misplaces it and is forever looking around the house for it. It was so hilarious that it became my favourite lesson and I read it several times over and over and could not stop laughing every time I read it . But now I realise that each house has middle aged kichus and pattus who are always on the look out for spectacles. The saddest part is I am one of them.
I am very sensitive with regard to my eye. Smallest of the problems in my eye can trigger a panic in me and I can't stand even a peck of dust entering my eye. Few months back, on the day when I could not sign a simple form at a shop and had to take my daughter's help to actually identify the spot where I had to put my signature pushed me to realise that I could no longer read comfortably. I was forced to go for an eye-check up by the family and I just hoped that it would get over soon. Luckily, I had to wear only reading glasses and I was glad that I could still manage many of my chores without spectacles. But the downside was, I had to constantly search for the specs whenever I wanted to read something. wearing specs at home was okay, but going out with spectacles? No way! I thought more than greying hair and wrinkles on the face and hands, spectacles would make me look older. I was not ready to wear it . I only carried it along and only and if and only when there was an emergency like filling up bank details or forms, did I take them out from my handbag.
I became the object of amusement for my daughters, and they were happy to show me their mark sheets or answer papers before I could go in search of my spectacles and grab them back . Now, on my husband's insistence I am wearing my spectacles with a string so that it would hang around my neck like a noose and makes me feel bad about laughing at Kichu of my English lesson.

Bandra fair

I have been staying in Bandra for the past six years and each year , the first week of September becomes a nightmare for commuting even within Bandra. Reason being the ever increasing crowd coming to Bandra around this time for Mt. Mary fest. I have seen devotees walking to St.Mary's church at Shivaji Nagar, Bangalore too. But since the apartment I stayed at Bangalore was not on the main thoroughfare to the church , I never realised how inconvenient this time of the year could be for the residents of the area. Bandra , for instance , is dominated by Christian community residents and even they resent the crowd coming to the fair. It has been increasing each year, and I can't imagine how worse it could get in another decade.
Other than thinking that its a nuisance for the residents, I never gave much thought to the faith or the importance of the occassion itself and till this year, I didn't even think of visiting the church just to see what attracts so much crowd. My interest in churches has thus far been only as a tourist and nothing more.

But, thanks to my friend, who pulled me out of my nest this year and forced me to walk to the church and see and experience the fest. Initially I was scared as to how long it could take to enter the church. It was a Saturday evening, and the weekend crowd was close to few lakhs. But I was pleasantly surprised that it was very much organized and the police and church security were doing a great job. Another pleasant factor was that we had to queue up along the road parallel to the sea front and we experienced a nice , cool breeze and there was hardly any discomfiture despite standing in the queue for close to an hour. In fact , I started enjoying the sea breeze after a while and vowed to come back regularly for evening walks around that area.  Then , I saw people buying wax idols from the shops along the road to give as offering. I got curious, and enquired what they were for. The shopkeeper told me that if a family member suffers from some ailment, we can buy a wax idol representing the ailment, for example, a heart shaped idol for heart patients, kidney shaped idol for kidney ailments, and various kinds of body parts can be given as offering. All of a sudden, I remembered my mother in law asking me to buy a eye shaped offering sold in amman temples in south and give it as an offering for my husband's eye problem.
I realised that I had not done that, and I immediately bought a pair of eye shaped wax idol and offered it at the church. Maybe this was the purpose that drew me to the church. Whether it is "Mary amma" or "Mariamma", it is the faith with which we make the offering that matters is the lesson I learnt this week.

Diamonds are forever! Really?

I am a big fan of the television serial big bang theory, especially of the science geek Sheldon! In one of the episodes he goes to buy diamonds for his girlfriend and he is aghast that they are expensive. His argument is "how can the carbon which I buy locally everyday is so cheap and just slightly rearranged and polished carbon , that is diamonds, are so expensive?".
There lies a lesson for all of us..... in particular the tambrahm community which still thinks that a wedding is incomplete without diamond studs being gifted to the bride(of course not by the groom's family , but by the bride's parents!).
First item of discussion between mamas and mamis in a family on hearing the news of a wedding being fixed is whether or not diamond studs have been demanded and which place is the best one to buy, how one has to check the doshams for the stones etc, etc. They seem to know more about the diamonds and also ways to find fault with the choice others have made.

  There are scores of middle class girls in tambrahm community whose wedding is delayed just for the reason that the parents cannot afford to buy a pair of diamond studs. What a shame! even the so called educated grooms don't realise that diamonds are just a form of carbon and can become ash in no time. The utlimate goal of a middle class tambrahm family is that of buying diamond for their daughter and this ranks next only to owning a house. I just hope and pray that future in laws of my daughters realize that diamonds are not forever and have the magnanimity to accept them for what they are!

Mirror Mirror on the wall!

Yesterday I read a news article about a group started online for a movement called "Mirror fasting". Its a group of women who have decided to not to look into the mirror whether it is at home or in malls or any other public places to improve their self esteem.
Suddenly I realized that I have never had a full length mirror or for that matter a dressing table either in my parent's place or now in my own set up. we have been busy buying all other necessary furniture for the house, but never thought of buying a dressing table and never did I insist on it! Come to think of it, I always feel better without a full length mirror to look at myself every now and then and trust me, it is lot of time saved. Never have I worried about whether a particular dress or particular colour suited me or not and whenever there was a function in the family and I had access to full length mirrors I was more than embarrassed to check myself out. I am comfortable in my skin and don't need the reassurance through a mirror. I think I am decently dressed when I step out of the house and that is enough to give me the necessary boost to my confidence.
Now, after reading this article I do realize that there are scores of women who are obsessed at looking at themselves and adjusting their attire and accessories all the time and I sometimes pity the women who miss out the actual occasion for which they are dressed up and end up checking only their own appearance. I am also blessed to have kids who have not insisted so far on having a full length mirror despite the peer pressure to maintain good looks. But one thing I am sure is that I might not feel comfortable to enter their room which might later on have a full length mirror!

Our own Mary Kom!

Winning a medal in Olympics! That too being an Indian and also mother of not one but twins. Great feat Mary! Of all the sports icons who won the medals for India at the Olympics (not that we can boast of too many), Mary has really stolen our hearts.
I salute her more since I realize how difficult it is to raise , leave alone twins , even one child. There are thousands of Indian housewives who hire full time maids much younger than them to handle their kids. Here is a sports icon who takes care of her twins (one of them is a heart patient!) and also keeps her drive to be good at her chosen sport fighting not only the opponents but all other social pressures too.
Her husband says that she had to face the wrath of her in laws as a newly wed to pursue her dreams. Of course, now they would be the first ones to celebrate her victory.
As middle class Indians we still have to fight the system to achieve something we believe in. It is all the more difficult for a married woman as many a times she has to fight the family too . Mary Kom is a winner every way and she is blessed to have a supportive husband who doesn't have a huge ego to stop his wife from pursuing her dreams. May his tribe increase and lets have more of such Mary (Humari) Koms!

Growing up with kids

Last week, I was travelling in a bus and passing through a school around mid-morning. I noticed a group of parents anxiously waiting at the gate and just when the bell rang , all the nursery kids ran out to their respective parent with so much happiness. Couple of them started crying when they didn't find their guardian. Just a few years back, I was one of those anxious mothers waiting at the gate. How time flies and how the attitude of these kids change when they grow up.
My daughter who used to cry during nursery even if I was only a couple of minutes late to pick her up, now in her teens, doesn't want me to come to the school unless the school insists. Do we parents actually realize when it is time to stop holding them and stop pampering them? There are times when my daughters are more matured than me in handling a situation and I am sheepish to admit so. Today's kids are far more matured and have greater clarity of thinking than us. They want to be out of our protective shadows earlier than we wanted to be out of our parents' control.

Very soon, they would be out of the house and on their own in this world. They are well equipped to handle the situation with advanced communication and far better education and exposure. But the question is, are we parents ready to accept that they are independent, are we ready to accept a situation when we are going to live a long, lonely life? At least , its time for me to grow up with my kids and plan for my own independent life.

Hair raising issues!

Blogging after a long break! Though lots of thoughts were there to pen down, lack of willingness to put it down in writing was a major block. Hope to write more and maybe, slicker posts from now on.

Recently my daughters had a sudden urge to cut their hair (not trim) to the shortest length possible. Cutting waist length hair to shoulder length (in this case, even shorter than that) is a crime in our conservative Tamil brahmin family. The history of maintaining long thick hair goes back to decades in our families and thanks to nuclear family set up today, none of the older generation athais or mamis know about this supposedly sinful act of my kids.
But to think of the privileges of having long lustrous hair makes me feel sorry for my kids. As a kid , I had tresses that were envy of my neighbourhood kids. Whenever there was a festival or function in the family, when kids with shorter hair had to run in search of hairclips to fix the small string of jasmine flowers, I had the privilege of getting the longest string of thickly tied jasmine flowers and I could flaunt it throughout the day without having to worry about hair clips. whenever there was a wedding in the family, elderly women of the family literally were vying with each other to plait my hair and decorate it with different types of kunjalams, beads etc. Once it was done, visitors including strangers used to call me and touch my hair and praise my hairdo. I used to feel like one of the just crowned beauty queens and strut around proudly. During my short stint in Europe too my long hair was the main attraction for the natives and I used to feel on top of the world when people used to stop me and ask me whether it was real hair and how I was maintaining it. Once I even had to give a small demonstration by letting my hair loose and combing it and plaiting it again.
few months back when we had a school reunion, friends who met me were keen to know the current status of my hair and most of them remembered me more for my hair than my other talents.
Although I agree with my daughters who say it is convenient to maintain short hair with all the travel involved and time constraints, I also feel sad that one day they would miss out on wearing fresh jasmine flowers with the traditional kanchivaram silk saree in a typical tamil brahmin wedding.

Celebrity fever!

Last year Hindustan times gave scholarships to few deserving students of the city schools who excelled in academics and co-curricular activities. One of the recipients of this was none other than Shahrukh Khan's daughter.
What an irony? When this country has millions of children who need all the funding even for basic necessities like food, clothing, etc one of country's leading newspaper chooses to fund the education of the daughter of one of the highest tax payers of the country. This can happen only in India. All the students selected for this scholarship have been selected from the most prestigious schools and not from state run schools and these so-called prestigious schools collect a huge sum of fees and in addition to that, the parents send their children to private tuition which cost more than double the school fees. Why on earth would these children need this scholarship? why not give it to more deserving and economically backward students?

Then came the piece of news that a hospital is turned into a fortress for Aishwarya Rai's delivery, while the same page carried a news of a poor woman delivering in the train . What a contrast! Surely , our media and administration needs to wake up for the needs of the poor and stop idolizing stars .