Being a freelancer

I was a working woman before marriage. Post marriage, I decided to stay at home and the decision was completely supported by my husband. Though we went through periods of financial crisis in the first few years of marriage, never did I want to go for a full time job. Luckily, with my qualification in foreign language, getting a part time assignment was not a problem. I enjoyed this so much so that I decided to work only as a freelancer.
I realised that being a freelancer has its own disadvantages. The family became extended and I had constant flow of visitors. But the concept of working from home was not easily understood by people then (and even now, I feel, is not taken seriously) and whenever I had guests or someone was not well in the family, I was expected to stop working even if I was midway through an assignment. No amount of talk about commitment would work. The attitude was- you are working from home only, you haven't even met the guy who is giving you the job, so why worry? The other problem was that excuse of being busy due to work doesn't work when the house is messy. A full time working woman can take the liberty of keeping the house messy, because she goes out to work. But freelancing doesn't count as real work- why can't I keep the house clean? In social gatherings, when people ask me what I do, I proudly declare I am a freelancer and the immediate reaction is a sarcastic "Oh, telemarketing, is it?" or "tupperware?" or "Amway?". When I say I am a translator they give me a surprised look-the concept of being a freelance linguist is still a rarity, I guess.
If these were the problems at the domestic front, the problems on the professional front were things like the client wanting a job done over the weekend or holidays, so that they will have the assignment ready when the office opens after the holiday. But what about us enjoying our holidays when the children are at home? Similarly, genuine excuses like power cuts or internet disconnection are not taken lightly and the client expects us to work extra because we are at home.
Despite all these, there are quite a lot of advantages. I don't get scolded by the boss, there are no performance appraisals , no conferences or meetings to attend, there are no commuting problems, no dress code and best of all, I get to spend the time with the kids, be at home and stop working whenever I am exhausted. I can eat, sleep and have coffee or tea anytime I want to. I have the best excuse to keep away from unwanted parties and from the stupid tv programs while getting paid for it. Isn't that great? Sure, I have complaints about my job, but then, who doesn't? I enjoy my job and I think it's the best way to work.

Human touch

When my parents decided to come and stay with me, I was sure that I was one of the luckiest daughters, blessed with the opportunity to take care of her father during his last days. My father was bedridden and we had to perform dialysis at home for him. I thought I was behaving like the perfect daughter - giving him his medicines, doing the dialysis, and taking care of every need of his. This illusion was broken one day, when my father suddenly called me and asked me to sit near him. I sat next to him and he just held my hands tightly and told me "I am so happy that you are doing everything for me, but why am I also feeling sad that there is no human touch involved in whatever you are doing?". This was a huge blow to my ego and I realized that whatever I had been doing for him was just a duty, like something any nurse or doctor would have done for him. I had completely ignored the fact that I could do more for him as a daughter- by holding his hands or giving him a hug.
More often than not,we think that having an aged person at home, cooking for them, giving them their medicines or just giving them a place to stay is enough. How many times do we spend a few minutes exclusively with them or sitting next to them? Even if we spend time talking to them, we don't touch them , pat them or hold hands.......At their age, loneliness could be a killing factor and human touch could do wonders for their psyche. But in this materialistic world, we don't show our affection, care or treat them like they are wanted. We forget that old age is just a few years down the line for us too and that we we could be facing a similar situation ourselves. Take a moment to think whether we would like to be treated the way they are treated....Is that what we want from our children too?
Do we ever realize that all people would want at that age is really nothing but a display of affection? They are like small kids who want to be showered with love. An aged person- especially a single parent, in-law, aunt or uncle- doesn't need our gifts or presents , but only a few moments of companionship to show that we care for them. And a human touch is enough to make them feel wanted.

Mall mall everywhere, not a single one in Bandra!

I have always enjoyed going to malls. Pushing the cart along rows and rows of various eye-catching items gave me a special high. (No wonder, I could relate so well to Sophie Kinsella's Shopoholic series). I loved picking up things which I thought were absolutely essential and items I thought one could not get anywhere else, irrespective of whether they were put to use or not. During my stay at Singapore, Mustafa, the biggest mall there, was a great attraction. It has 5 floors and 4-5 hours could easily be spent just in going around the mall. Once, I and 4 other friends walked in with a bet that we should come out of Mustafa within half an hour without buying a single item. In the end, only one of us could resist the temptation and walk out empty handed-and it definitely was not me (I started wondering whether this friend truly belonged to female species!)
So, when I landed in Mumbai, I had imagined huge malls and shopping complexes- after all, it was the financial capital. And, -surprise! surprise! - there is not a single mall in the most posh Mumbai suburb, Bandra. There are mini supermarkets but no malls.
Initially I was disappointed and was in fact, complaining to all and sundry. Now, a couple of years later, I notice that my spending habits of have changed. Now I just stick to the list of groceries I prepare every month and give it to my regular shop in the bazaar and they deliver the items. Now that I’m a regular customer, I notice that the shopkeeper even replaces products at the smallest of complaints. The monthly bill of expenses has come down considerably. I no longer think that the house lacks this or that; I no longer want to pick up expensive non-essentials during the next visit to the mall. I know there are no malls nearby (thanks to the problems of commuting in Mumbai, I don't even dream of trying a mall in another area) and just adjust to what I get. The best way to maintain a peaceful home, according to me, is to keep away from malls and reduce the expenses!

Annual get-together

Being part of a large family, according to me , is a big boon. I grew up in a family filled with aunts and uncles who all lived in the same city and made it a point to gather for every occasion possible. The annual ceremony (Srartham) that was done for my grandparents, in particular, was always eagerly looked forward to by all my cousins. The Srarthams were done at our house, my father being the eldest son. We, as kids would plan the day in advance along with our cousins and we used to have a blast. All kids were packed off by the elders to go out and eat something, since the ceremonies would take a long time and lunch would be delayed. We used to go out, have a good breakfast and spend the rest of the day sitting at the patio, singing songs, playing anthakshari, sharing and laughing at the latest jokes in Tamil movies. Now, years later, when we cousins happen to meet , we discuss the great times we've had.
Now, my children too have been lucky enough, so far, to have had similar good times, being part of a large family. They look forward to the annual trip to Chennai to spend time with their cousins and they say , especially so, on the day of the ceremony of my father-in-law. They enjoy having everybody under one roof (they even go on a srartham shopping, to buy , all the knick- knacks they want) and they have a great time dancing and singing behind the shut doors of the room. But slowly , with some cousins already into college and others moving away to distant places, those days are history. But what saddens me the most is that the future generation might hardly have this kind of fun, since people don't seem to have faith in performing such ceremonies and it is seen as more of a ritual and not as a family-get-together. No social networking site can make up for the real fun of such gatherings of cousins and siblings. With the advance in technology, actual human contact and interaction is lessening and we don't seem to realise that. We are happy and proud to have a Facebook account rather than showing up for gatherings in person.

Train journey in Mumbai

Mumbai life is really hectic for those who travel. But being a housewife and having led a cocooned and protected life, I am dazed at the number of people on the roads at any given point of time. A brief stay in Singapore, where even a line of ten vehicles at the signal is considered a "traffic jam" and is fussed over stood in stark contrast to how Mumbaiites get on with life despite endless traffic jams(in the real sense) and mind-blowing crowds at stations.
The first time, when I travelled by train (despite warnings that the crowds push you and how difficult it is to get in or out of the train of your own free will), I was amazed. We were literally making an "adi pradakshanam"of the station looking for the right platform(I would have garnered more punyam, if I had done that at a temple) and a train with people hanging out of the compartments arrived. My husband, who was a veteran at train travel, urged me to get into a ladies compartment since that, he said, would be relatively less crowded. I obliged, and what a big mistake it was. I had no idea of how far Dadar (the station where we had to get down) was from Bandra and there were no announcements inside the train regarding the approaching station (which again was an expectation after travelling in Singapore) and I also realised that platforms on which the train arrive can be on either side. I felt like a lost child in a mela and was feeling dizzy and nervous, wondering whether I am going to get down at the right time at the right station. Just then, a station arrived and I turned around to ask the lady next to me whether this was Dadar and before I could hear her (I don't even remember whether she answered me) I was pushed out of the exit by a huge crowd as I was standing in the middle of both the exits (a suggestion made by my husband) and was thrown onto the platform. Luckily it turned out to be Dadar station and I triumphantly walked towards my husband and told him that I successfully managed to get out on time and it was really no big deal for me (of course secretly wondering whether he could hear my pounding heartbeat!).
After this episode, I realise how lucky I am to be working from home and really pity the thousands of women who have to travel under the most trying conditions and then return home to do the regular chores. In a city like Mumbai, each working woman must be felicitated for this tremendous feat.
The biggest positive I see in this vibrant city is that people are still courteous, honest and have their sense of humour intact. A great city with great people (there's definitely room for improvement-they could start by giving up spitting chewed paan or gutka all over the place!).

Month of festivals

Every year, July and August are full of Hindu festivals and as a traditional housewife, I like to celebrate all of them with enthusiasm. But , somewhere , I feel I am caught between being traditional and orthodox and also having modern views about celebrating them. On the traditional side, I like to wear my "Madisar", prepare all the items, I like the smell of agarbathis and fresh flowers and like to admire huge rangolis.

But on the modern side, I don't like the "Madi and aacharam"associated with these festivals. In my opinion, "Madi"for a traditional Brahmin family, in the olden days, was to keep away the huge number of family members to maintian cleanliness while preparing large quantities of items during the festivals and this has lost its true purpose somewhere down the line. Now, with nuclear families and small flats , these "Madi"procedures have become more of a shouting and screaming custom to keep the children away from us, scolding them not to touch us or the items prepared before the naivedyam is done. All of this , I feel, finally end up in a scene where the charm of the festival is lost and everyone is fuming, brooding and want the pooja to get over before the rahukalam and grab whatever that is prepared and get away. To add to this , the children have to rush to school and my husband to the office. Gone are the days when we had holidays for these festivals and we helped out Amma with her preparations.
Despite all of that, inviting women over for Varalaksmi Vratham, Ganesh Chathurthi celebrations in Mumbai and "seedai" of Gokulashtami are things I would not like to miss at any cost nor do I want my children to miss them.

Special child and a special friend

Recently I met one of my college-mates after a long time. As close friends, we were a group of 5 , who had a blast and at the same time were good, obedient students. Then, with our lives taking different routes, we drifted apart. After a long gap of ten years I met one of our group mates who had lost her husband recently and had a mentally-backward child to take care of. She was a bubbly, carefree kind of girl in college. So, when I went to meet her, it was heart wrenching to see her , handling this crisis with aplomb and maturity. Hats off to her! Seeing her, I feel ashamed about how much we complain about our lives. We are bothered about not getting things done on time or our children losing couple of marks in tests or a spouse coming home late . But for this friend, taking care of that child while, at the same earning to run the family and taking care of aging parents (being the only daughter) and an aging mother-in-law (her husband had been the only son) is a great feat indeed. She faces it all with a smile and radiates such positive energy.
Meeting this friend has been an eye-opening experience for me . I feel proud of her, in fact, I feel that hers is a feat that overshadows achievements of so many other successful career women. How many of us could have the courage to continue to live when faced with so many difficulties? I only hope that I can be a person worthy of such a friend.